Wedding Crashers Quotes 3

Spoiled Kid:
I want a bicycle!

Jeremy Grey:
Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly,
uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else?

Spoilt Kid:
I just want a bicycle!

Jeremy Grey:
Why are you yelling at me?

Spoilt Kid:
Make me a bicycle, clown

Jeremy Grey:
All right, I’m going to make you a bicycle. But I don’t want to make
you a bicycle.

Spoilt Kid:
Shut your mouth, funny guy, and make it.

Jeremy Grey:
How many times you gonna do this bullsh*t? Rule #35: never commit to
a relative unless you’re absolutely positive they have a pulse.

John Beckwith:
Rule #15: give me an up-to-date family tree, that was your mistake,
you just made me look like an idiot.

Jeremy Grey:
Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!

John Beckwith:
Okay, Kitty Kat. This feels “borderline” inappropriate.

Jeremy Grey:
[speaking to the priest] This girl’s fit for a strait-jacket. I mean
she’s f**ked three ways to the weekend. But you know what, Father? I
dig it!

John Beckwith:
You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think
we only use 10 percent of our hearts.

John Beckwith:
Claire’s mom just made me grab her hooters.

Jeremy Grey:
What were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real?
Are they built for speed or comfort? What’d you do with them?
Motorboat? You play the motorboat?
[makes sputtering motorboat noise]
You motorboatin son of a b*tch! You old sailor you! Where is she?
She still in the house?

John Beckwith:
What’s wrong with you?

Janice:
I’ve got the perfect girl for you!

Jeremy Grey:
[sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don’t seem real eager to jump
into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call
dating. I don’t like the feeling. You’re sitting there, you’re
wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too
much, are they talking enough, am I interested I’m not really
interested, should I play like I’m interested but I’m not that
interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be
interested but now she’s not interested? So all of the sudden I’m
getting, I’m starting to get interested… And when am I supposed to
kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it’s awkward,
it’s like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you
like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause
you’re trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and
kiss them on the lips or don’t kiss them at all? It’s very difficult
trying to read the situation. And all the while you’re just really
wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad
decisions? Perhaps play a little game called “just the tip”. Just
for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you’re on my
hair.

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