Dane Cook Quotes 1

I just want to run up and spank my dad's ass and run off screaming, "I'm your son from the future! Ahhhh!! I'm from the future, I'm your son!"

I don't like that. I don't like it when juice wears tights. It's a horrible combination, a bowl of juice wearing tights.

I always wanted to be a snake. Everytime I saw a snake of TV. I'd always say WHY NOT ME?!?!

We were so poor growing up, that little iron...we had to actually use that little iron. That's not funny. It takes a long time to iron a shirt with that tiny little iron. {Monopoly}

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I was the only kid in the eighth grade wearing Wrangler Jeans... and Jellies! Nice. Nice.

You never hear a guy say to one of his buddies, "Hey listen, Mike, Michael. Tonight, dude? I gotta dance. What, chicks? No, no. f**k chicks, dude. I wanna dance. I just want to express myself through the art of dance, Mike. I don't wanna see a chick..."

You know when someone calls you 'pal' and you're not pals? Yeah, f**k that.

Has anyone here ever been fully engulfed in fire? Its gotta be so hot.

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Best Dane Cook Stand-up  - Vicious Circle

Cook was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts, the second son of Donna Jean (née Ford; died 2006) and George F. Cook (died 2007).  He has an older half-brother, Darryl, and five sisters. He grew up in a Catholic family of Irish descent. Cook was raised in Arlington, Massachusetts, where he attended Arlington High School.

Cook has described himself as having been "pretty quiet, pretty introverted, shy" as a child, although he was a "wild child" at home. He overcame his shyness in his junior year of high school, when he began acting and doing stand-up comedy. After graduating from high school, he studied graphic design in college as a back-up plan, in case he did not achieve success in comedy. He now designs all of his merchandise, including the cover of his album, Harmful If Swallowed.

Film

Cook began his film career with small roles in the late 1990s, including Mystery Men as "The Waffler", and opposite Dennis Rodman in 1999's Simon Sez.

In 2006, Cook starred in his first leading role as Zack Bradley in Employee of the Month, which co-starred Jessica Simpson and Dax Shepard. The film made a modest $30 million against a $12 million budget. In June 2007, Cook co-starred in his first dramatic role as the devious photographer "Mr. Smith" in Mr. Brooks, which starred Kevin Costner. The film debuted at number 4 at the box office, grossing $10,017,067 in its opening weekend.

In September 2007, Cook starred as dentist Charlie Logan in Good Luck Chuck, which co-starred Jessica Alba and Dan Fogler. The film was the second-highest-grossing film (#1 Comedy) at the U.S. box office in its opening weekend, grossing $13.6 million in 2,612 theaters. The film went on to have a total box office tally of approximately $35 million U.S. and $24 million foreign. A month later, Cook co-starred as Mitch Burns in Dan In Real Life, which starred Steve Carell. The film grossed $11.8 million in 1,921 theaters its opening weekend, ranking number 2 at the box office. As of July 6, 2008, it has grossed $62,745,217.

In 2008, Cook starred as air purifier call-center supervisor Tank Turner in My Best Friend's Girl with Kate Hudson, Jason Biggs, and Alec Baldwin. The film grossed $8.2 million in its opening weekend, debuting at #3 at the box office. In 2010, Cook claimed that he had auditioned for the role of Captain America for Captain America: The First Avenger, although director Joe Johnston did not have him on the short list for the part.

In 2013, Cook voiced the character of Dusty Crophopper in the animated film, Planes, a spin-off of Pixar's Cars franchise. He reprised his role as Dusty in the 2014 sequel Planes: Fire & Rescue.

In 2015, Cook starred in the film 400 Days The film was directed by Matt Osterman and executive produced by Cook