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Intervention Counselor: Harold, what time did you tell him to be here?
Harold: 5:00. But he's always late.
Rhonda: Oh, he'll be here. In 3, 2, 1...
Tyrone Biggums: [bursts inside room] Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?


Person on street: Yo, is gettin' oral sex from a man better than gettin' oral sex from a woman?
Mario Cantone: Pfff, how the f**k would I know? Next question.
Mario Cantone: IT'S BETTER!


How can you sleep when you're high on crack? Chinese riddle for you.

Tyrone Biggums


Night. Night. Keep yo butthole tight.




Then Jasper said "Look here, ni**er, if anyone's gonna have sex with my sister, it's gonna be *me*."

Clayton Bigsby 


Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

Tyrone Biggums 


  Drugs is all around you kids. Look at that magic marker cap. What the hell you think that is, some kind of crayon? Take it off and sniff it and get high.

Tyrone Biggums 


Businessman: I'll have a Samuel Jackson.
Samuel Jackson: [shouts] Good motherf**king choice, motherf**ker! Samuel Jackson! Made painstakingly by me, Samuel L. Jackson! It'll get ya drunk! You'll be f**king fat girls in no time! You might even fight a ni**a or two! Mmmm-mmm, b**ch!


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