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PERSUASIVE SPEECH TOPICS
presented by author / motivational speaker
Nancy McFadden M.A.
CONSIDERING IF YOU SHOULD DISAGREE & IF SO,
HOW T0 DISAGREE EFFECTIVELY
page 3
alleges. “That is such an overriding habit”, she claims,
“that most people complain of having the same old arguments repeatedly,
without ever catching on to the fact that they fall into that pattern
without realizing the role they play”.
That makes it imperative that you know why you are disagreeing so
that you are not seduced into discussing something else.
Regardless of how enticing it is to respond to the person’s
personal comments, McFadden claims it is in the best interest of both
parties to identify the real issue immediately and agree to discuss nothing
but that particular subject at the time.
She recommends the when disagreement is evident, “Agree to focus on
one thing at a time – and stick to the agreement. If not, you will find
yourself going round and around the same argument repeatedly never resolving
the real issue”.
If the other person goes off topic, McFadden claims it is your
responsibility to take them back to the real issue by merely repeating what
it is and reminding that person that you are willing to stay with only that
one issue, at present.
“If necessary”, she says, “repeat, repeat, repeat until the person
recognizes that you are not open to any other issue - at this time”.
She claims that following this pattern in an effort to learn the
techniques of effective disagreement can be frustrating during the learning
process, but she promises it will save a lot of misery over time,
eliminating a lot of the repetitious arguments that are a part of the life
of most people.
Interestingly, she also suggests you “give yourself permission to
agree to disagree”
She claims that frustration peaks when people become invested in trying to
convert the other person to their way of thinking or doing something. “Be
willing”, she says, “to let each person have their own opinion”.
“Your job”, she says, is to get clear and remain clear about your
position. Once you determine that you are each committed to your own opinion
and it is different, the wisest thing to do”, she claims, “is to then decide
what you are going to do now that you know where you stand”. Let go of any
notion to convert the other or to resist being converted to their way of
thinking. Respect your right to your own opinion and transfer that respect
to others.
“You cannot make people change. All that you can do is decide what
you will do in view of the present situation”. Wasting time arguing why you
or the other person should change will only increase the frustration and
keep you from the real issue”.
“Don’t go there”, she advises.
“The issue’, she says, “is not about being right”. The real issue is to be
heard and hopefully, understood”. If you realize that that is not going to
happen, step back, and suggest you leave the discussion to another time. It
is fruitless to insist on being acknowledged when you know the other person
is not open to the discussion. It is also fool-hardy to insist on getting
your own way once it becomes evident the other is not willing. Tempers
increase and rational talk decreases.
As soon as you are aware that the frustration or anger is
escalating call a “time-out”, she advises. Refuse to continue whenever you
identify that either you or the other person is losing control of rational
discussion or the view to finding a...
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