hilarious quotes 2

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Humphrey Bogart

I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already!
Tommy Cooper

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Josh Billings

Mum comes in and says `I'm working out,' and she'll just be standing there naked doing a dance.
Kelly Osbourne

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