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If he is so smart, how come he is dead?

I hope you cut me better than you cut these string beans.

D’oh

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will.

Internet! Is that thing still around?

Well, maybe if he had had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught 'im. ( about Jesus wearing sandals ).

I have to work overtime at work instead of spending time with my wife and kids, which is what I want.

The food was not undelicious.

Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

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