funny sayings 1

When I die bury me upside down so the world can kiss my ass.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks

Above all else: Sky.

Good friends will help you move. REALLY good friends will help you move bodies.

Nothing in life can hurt you except yourself, and of course barbed wire, but that's another story.
 

I don't want to achieve immortality thru my work. I want to achieve immortality thru not dying

 Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be in the next cell saying "that was f*#king awesome

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