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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because I'm a bitch.

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

I'll be spontaneous when I get around to it.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

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Sayings are a great way to motivate yourself or others. When we use sayings in our dialogue or in presentations we show people that we have learned from the wisdom of others and that we believe in what we are saying. We're not just sharing our opinion, it is how others feel as well. So keep the wisdom of the past alive and recite some funny-bitchy sayings today.

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